Funerals and Memorials
When it comes to loss and grief, there are no rules. There is no ‘normal’ way to feel or react. And there is no ‘normal’ time limit on your grief. In fact, there is no ‘correct’ way to plan a funeral or memorialise the deceased. The way you remember, recognise and/or celebrate the life of a loved one is entirely up to you. I am here to help and advise you and gently guide you through the process to ensure we create a farewell service fitting to and reflective of both the person who you are remembering and also those of you remembering them.
I am a proud ally and, as with any funeral or celebration of life, I will work sensitively to ensure the wishes, confidentiality and sexuality of the deceased are respected whilst also celebrating their life accordingly. I always take an open, non-judgemental, all-inclusive, welcoming approach to all.
click here for The Queer Funeral Guide
From our first meeting, we knew that Bernie was an incredibly special person who approached my father’s cremation service with kindness, sensitivity and above all…love.
Funerals: Cremations and Graveside
Every person is unique and extraordinary. Everyone has a story worth telling and connections worth sharing. I advocate for families to ensure they feel safe and confident in having their story told in an authentic and compassionate way—one that truly reflects the person we’re remembering and their impact on those who knew them. I support doing this with the words, music, dress, gestures, and locations that are right for them. There are no rules on how to grieve, and there’s no “right” way to commemorate. I’m here to help you create something meaningful, personal, and cathartic.
Even at a crematorium or graveside, a service—while limited in time—can reflect the personality and memories of the deceased and those remembering them.
Remember, there’s often immense pressure to say and do everything in those precious minutes allowed for a service in a church, at a burial ground, or in a crematorium. However, that service is just the first goodbye. You can remember, celebrate, and memorialize the life of a lost loved one as often and as casually or officially as you like. As long as they are spoken of and remembered, they are not forgotten, and the love remains.
Explore “Memorials and Celebrations of Life” further down this page for more opportunities to remember and celebrate the life of someone you loved.
from £260
Funerals: Natural Burials and Laying of Ashes
The wonderful thing about natural burial grounds is they offer you more time and freedom to include ideas personal to you and your loved ones. You can often include your four legged companions, live music and additional tributes as you are less restricted by time constraints. Whether its a burial or laying of ashes, I can help you create a reflective and personalised tribute to your deceased loved one that fully reflects their personality and your memories of them without the time constraints of a crematorium or cemetery.
from £295
Memorials and Life Celebrations:
When someone you love dies, you may prefer to remember and reflect on their life at a location other than a cemetery, crematorium, or natural burial ground. The benefits include no time constraints and a more meaningful location for you and the deceased.
This is also an option if the deceased opted for a direct cremation, allowing you to create a ritual, gathering, or celebration of life while still honoring their wishes. You may choose to host it in a hotel, public hall, outdoor space (such as a garden, hillside, or beach).
I will help write a service that fits the deceased and the memories of those grieving. We have the opportunity to create rituals and farewells that are personal to the entire family and include as many of them as you wish.
I will listen to your stories, memories, and wishes and offer ideas and solutions to include all your preferences. The service can be anywhere—your home, a hotel, a park, a public building, the beach, a hillside, or a woodland—wherever you feel is a meaningful location to remember, reflect, and celebrate.
from £350
Direct Cremations with the Memorial Service Elsewhere
Direct cremations are becoming increasingly popular. Not only is it more affordable, but it also allows you to focus your farewells on a time and location that holds more meaning for you and the deceased. After all, a crematorium is unlikely to hold much significance for anyone involved in the farewell.
A direct cremation also provides you with many more choices. You can hold your service anywhere, free from constraints. You can include additional elements such as more speeches, music (even live music), rituals like tree planting, or engaging in a relevant hobby, such as a car club or creating a festival atmosphere.
What is a Direct Cremation?
A Direct Cremation, in simple terms the disposal of the body of a deceased person without anyone other the crematorium staff there to witness it . The cremation takes place without a service in situ. THIS DOES NOT MEAN YOU NOT HAVING A SERVICE
When and Where can I hold a Memorial/Life Celebration?
Some people choose a direct cremation and arrange to have a memorial elsewhere at the same time. Others may prefer to have a memorial or life celebration on a completely different occasion. They might take a moment to light a candle or listen to a favorite tune while the cremation is taking place, inviting friends and family to do the same wherever they may be. Then, they can organize a memorial or life celebration at a later date, perhaps when they have received the ashes.
You can literally hold your memorial anywhere. Whether in your house or garden, a hall or pub, at a venue or an event—pick a date and location that hold special meaning for your loved one and you. Invite whomever you wish and include whatever tributes matter to you all.
Do I only have one chance to say goodbye?
I always remind my clients when arranging a service at a crematorium or graveside that the 20 to 40 minutes of solemn reflection is not the be-all and end-all. It is not the final goodbye. It’s the beginning of a journey through a long process called grief. As time passes, you’ll regularly remember and reflect on your loved ones—on special occasions; when you do something they taught you or that they would be proud of; when you use a phrase or mannerism that you associate with them. They are honored every time they’re in your thoughts and every time you speak about them.
It’s perfectly okay, appropriate, and even lovely to arrange other, more structured remembrance services, life celebrations, or memorials:
- Perhaps some time has passed, your mind is clearer, and you now know better how you want to remember your loved one and their footprints in your life.
- Following the initial funeral, you may have heard new and wonderful stories that you wish to share.
- Maybe someone who mattered wasn’t available at the time of the first service.
- It could be a special date or anniversary that holds significance.
- You now have their ashes—perhaps you’ve had them for some time—and you feel ready to let some of them go.
How often, why, and when you choose to honor your loved one only needs to matter to you. If you feel compelled to do it, embrace that feeling. It’s cathartic; it’s an opportunity to regather your support network. It allows you to make your lost relative or friend the focus of attention again.
Remember, grief isn’t linear, and there’s no “right” way to navigate it. Creating spaces and moments to honor your loved one can be a healing part of your journey.
In fact…
If you’re considering arranging additional memorials or celebrations of life, I’m here to help you weave together ideas that resonate with you and truly reflect the essence of your loved one. Whether it’s a simple gathering at a meaningful location, a commemorative event on a significant date, or creating a lasting tribute, there are many ways to keep their memory alive in a way that’s personal and heartfelt.
